The Good Wife - Sometimes

My mother always told me that I should find a husband that was rich because I didn't know how to cook or clean. Of course, I don't know too many girls brought up in Italian households that (according to their mother) could cook or clean. I have to admit that I am bad at it, even now that my own kids are grown. My house always looks lived in but it isn't dirty, so it is a happy home. Or at least we think so. But that isn't the only reason our home is a "happy home". Another reason is that I do not strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman.

Ok at the risk of losing over half the Christian women reading this, let me first explain. All my Christian life I have heard these words, or something similar to these words, "I am going to be a Proverbs 31 woman when I get married". Sound familiar? I have heard it preached from the pulpit as well as taught at womans retreats. Each time I hear these words I cringe. The reason is that in order to be a Proverbs 31 woman, I have to have a Ephesians 5:25 husband.

In order for either the husband or the wife to fulfill the roles that God intended for them to fill, they must first start with themselves and their relationship with Christ. I speak to women all the time who don't 'understand' their husbands, and husbands who 'can't deal with' their wives. In counselling people who are having difficulties in their marriages, I always make the individuals look at themselves first. When women bring up the "I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman" speech to me, I stop them. The woman in Proverbs has given herself wholly and completely to the well being of her husband - this is something that most woman today are not willing to do in the first place. But aside from the earthly demands of Proverbs 31, I think it is extremely important for woman to look at Proverbs 31 not as a husband and wife scenario, but a You and God relationship. When you are willing to give yourself completely over to the wishes and desires of God, as a woman, you become more and more beautiful. You become more desireable as well as more in tune to God's heart, in turn you become more in tune to the needs of people. Wives, that includes the needs of your husband.

Instead of worrying about how to make your marriage work, and how to be that wonderful wife you think you should be or wishing you had the honorable husband you think is out of reach - pray that God will make you the person he wants you to be to HIM. Make it a desire of your heart, everyday commit to being the woman (or man) God wants you to be. You will be suprised at how quickly you start to change. Your outlook towards your spouse will change, the way you see your situation will change, and you will soon start to have a respect and a love for your spouse that you never had before. Even if you are in a marriage that seems hopeless and out of control - God is in the healing business if we will give Him the chance and the time to heal it; but remember that you can't change the other person, you can only change you. By changing you and starting with your relationship with Christ first, you will have a tremendous impact on your spouse and your marriage.

So the next time you read Proverbs 31 and think, "I wish I could be that woman", remember that you can - just be that woman spiritually with Christ and He will make you that woman in the physical. One of the most valuable compliments I have gotten from my husband is that I have become a Proverbs 31 woman - that I respect him in our marriage. Personally I don't really see it when I look in the mirror, but I know that I want to give God every part of who I am as a Woman, a Wife and a Mother. Somehow by doing that, God has made me the Wife that my husband needs.